The Big Day

I can't believe the 5k is really tomorrow!  This journey has gone by so fast.  I have so many blog posts floating around in my head and I really wanted to get them on the blog before the challenge ended, but my time is running out.  I will be working on that.  In the meantime, I am just excited to see everyone at the 5k in the morning.  I'm praying for good weather, a good run, and a strong finish. 

Don't Believe Everything You Think

I saw that on a bumper sticker the other day and it really made me think.  It is another way of saying another quote that I learned from a good friend..."Feelings are real but they're not always true."  I have been thinking a lot lately about the mind games that go on in this little brain of mine.  There is so much power in our thoughts, because our thoughts lead us to action. 

Whether it's on our journey to find our healthy selves, in our relationships with others, at work, in parenting, or life in general, a lot of times the answer to a better day is a positive switch in our brain.

This is something I am working on.  It is a hard lesson to internalize and live consistently.  It seems like there are always those voices in my head that fill me with doubt, that encourage me to focus on how much more I could be doing (in all areas in my life), etc. etc.  I know that my job is to quiet those voices and replace them with confidence and optimism.  There is equal power in "Of course I can!!!" and "I can't".  It is up to me what I tell myself, and eventually believe about myself.  No one else can give it to me.

Our thoughts can't be positive and negative at the same time.  So when a negative thought pops in my head, I will remember the life lesson I learned from a bumper sticker..."Don't believe everything you think."

I'm Overweight!!!

And that's reason to celebrate!  Based on my weight this morning, I moved from the "obese" category to "overweight" on the BMI charts (by .1%, but I'll take it!).  If it feels this good to move to "overweight", I can only imagine how it will feel to reach "normal". (Watch for the blog post entitled "I'm Normal!!!")

We ate. We chatted. We laughed. We froze.

Thank you to those of you who braved the elements to come to our Freeze-out!  Despite the weather, a good time was had by all, and we decided we should do it again sometime...when the weather cooperates a little better! 

Why I Haven't Joined the Circus

1) I wouldn't look too hot in a leotard (well, not yet anyway)
2) The smell
3) I still have a lot of work to do in the balance department (so I would probably fall off the tightrope).  At our nutrition class last week (?)  Mindy gave us a pie chart to have us fill out about how much time we spend on certain things throughout our weeks.  Mine was not so balanced. 
4) I'm horrible at juggling. It seems like there is always one proverbial ball that is heavier than the rest.  Right now, my exercise and nutrition ball is the heavy one.  It is a wonderful and necessary thing to focus on, but I'm realizing that I need to figure out how to fit in all of my other responsibilities and not drop any balls.  I certainly don't want to take weight away from the nutrition and exercise ball, I just need to figure out how to strengthen myself enough to add weight to the other ones.  I have had glimpses into the fact that I can achieve this, but I haven't mastered it quite yet (o.k.  I actually have a long way to go).  I did have one fabulous week where I was able to stay on top of everything, but slowly extra things have crept in and I feel behind in a couple of areas again (or maybe that one fabulous week just did me in!).  It just seems like when one thing is going really great, other areas suffer and I don't like that!  For example, Darin and I are getting so much time together (exercising together at the gym + travel time + nutrition class + having a common goal) and we feel so connected.  But other areas of my life are suffering.  I know I can't do it all.  I know I need to sit down and prioritize my life and do the most important things with purpose.  I will end this post with two of my favorite quotes (and then go get some stuff done!):


"Do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done with a cheerful heart."  (Marjorie Pay Hinckley)

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do.  Not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our power to do has increased." (Heber J. Grant) (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

An "AHA" moment

Thursday at class Mindy talked about fiber, then stress.  At the very end of class she had us do some "target practice".  She handed us a bullseye.  In the center circle was our circle of control.  The circle outside of that was our circle of influence, then our circle of concern (that over which we have no control).  The exercise was very short, but I had the biggest light bulb moment.  As I filled in the outermost circle I realized that everything I have lost sleep over, stressed about, and had anxiety over in the past couple of years has belonged in that outer circle (over which I have no control).  It felt so good to let all of that stress go and realize that my time and energy needs to be spent in the center circle, focusing on making good choices (in all areas of my life) and letting the outer circle do its thing.    
I am so grateful to be a part of this challenge.  I was thinking the other day about what a great blessing this has been...to have access to so much valuable information, a gym, a trainer, a great support system etc. etc.  I have learned so much not only about nutrition and exercise, but also about myself.   Our group is so amazing and I have loved getting to know everyone and sharing tips, successes and disappointments.  (On that note, our family barbecue is still happening next Monday, April 25th at 6:00pm.  I will bring reminders with more details to class on Thursday.) 

I am looking forward to many more "AHA" moments in the coming weeks!

We Played Cards at the Gym

Aren't we lucky?  Our trainer really knows how to show us a good time!  Here's how the game went:
After a 20 minute warm up (walk/jog intervals), Jeff pulled out a deck of cards.  He explained that each suit represented a different exercise.  When he pulled a card out we would do the exercise that suit represented the number of times listed on the card (for example, 8 of hearts=8 push ups).  The four exercises were push-ups, jumping jacks, leg lifts (lie on your back and lift both legs to 90 degrees, then lower them back to the ground), and squats.  The two jokers were 2 minute runs on the treadmill.  We went through the whole deck.  (Jacks were 11 reps, Queens 12, Kings 13, Aces 14).  We ended our little game with 20 minutes of intervals on the bike (where Darin is still trying to get the mileage past 3.99.  We think it might be rigged!).  At the end of the night my legs were jello, my arms were shaking and there was sweat covering my whole body.  I felt really weak...until Jeff did the math for us.  We did 104 of all of the exercises, totalling 416 reps.  At that point I felt really strong!  The card game was a fun way to switch things up; although I'll admit there were times throughout the game that were less than fun (like when we got a push up card three times in a row, totalling 25...yikes).  

In other news, my comments aren't showing up on your blogs (other 100 day heart challenge participants).  I have commented on all of your blogs.  They show up, and then when I go back to read a new entry my comment is no longer there.  I'm trying to get it worked out because I feel like I'm getting to know all of you better and I want to show my support of your journey...it's just not working.  So...until it gets worked out, know that I love reading your blogs and love to see you on Thursday mornings! :)

Just Keep Swimming

As I wait for the scale to tell me that I'm working hard, I need to remember that progress is being made.  I have been reading a blog called Fit to the Finish.  It is written by a woman who lost 150 + pounds in about 14 months and has kept it off for over 12 years.  It is so inspirational to read about her journey and see her before/after photos.  The blog post I read today was just what I needed.  Here is my list of progress:
*My wedding ring fits!  It hasn't fit in over 2 years
*My jeans are getting baggy.  The other day I was at the store with my 12 year old daughter and I looked at her with a huge smile and declared, "My pants are falling off!"  She thought I was weird but I didn't care. I was so excited. 
*I am getting much better at portion control (especially for sweets).  This is huge for me. 
*I am learning that beating myself up for not having a perfect eating/exercise day is counter-productive.  It is much better to accept that I still have things to learn, try to learn them and realize that it's all part of this journey and I'm getting closer to my goal.
*I have finally decided that plateaus will be overcome, but only if I "just keep swimming".  If I stop, the plateau will turn into a hill again and I will have to swim harder to get over it.  It's much better to keep going than to stop and start all over again.
*My endurance has increased.  Every time Jeff increases the mph on the treadmill or asks us to run a little longer or do an exercise we haven't done, I always think "There's no way".  And then I do it and it feels really good (afterward).  My heart is healthier and I can feel it.

I know there are good changes happening, I just need to keep remembering the victories that are not measured by the scale or evident by looking at me.

Here is a link to the Fit to the Finish blog:

http://www.fittothefinish.com/blog/

Meet the Fam

These are the people I get to spend every day with, and I love them dearly. Even though my very best push- myself-to-the-limits, feel-like-I-want-to-throw-up workouts happen in the gym,  I am learning that exercise doesn't have to happen in a gym or with headphones on.  I have had so much fun lately playing basketball and Just Dance with my kids.  Both are great workouts for all of us, and we are creating memories at the same time!  Today I just wanted to remind myself that this challenge is about so much more than just me.  It is forming healthy habits in our family and that makes me very happy!

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Last Tuesday I had one of those days.  The morning brought an incident of road rage (I was the victim, not the perpetrator).  Let's just say that a double handed flipping off and the yelling of a not so kind phrase had me a little bit down.  Later that same day my car stopped working. While I was driving.  I was alone and in high heels.  I turned the car off and tried to re-start it.  No go.  I had my hazards blinking, but I think most people thought I was trying to turn (I was on a very busy street and coasted to a stop in the turn lane).  I tried to get out and push it and steer at the same time...in high heels.  You can imagine how that turned out.  I mean, I'm getting strong, but not quite that strong.  It wasn't until someone drove up behind me waiting to turn that anyone realized I needed help.  The girl that was behind me was a young mom.  She said she would help me push.  She left her little boy in the car and started pushing.  At first when we started pushing the car started going backward.  So we pushed a little harder and we started going forward. I had the driver side door open and pushed and steered around the corner.  The sight of two women pushing got people's attention and two other guys joined the cause.  After they were assured that I had a ride (Darin was on his way), they all left.  Darin came and drove me home.  Later a neighbor helped us tow the car to the mechanic.  Fuel pump.  $550.00. Awesome.  By dinner time I had a pounding headache and felt very blah.  We were supposed to go work out with Jeff and working out was the last thing I wanted to do.  I wanted to revert to my cave and hibernate. We went anyway and guess what?  It was amazing.  I felt so good afterward.  I realized that of all the things to regret, working out will likely never be one of them.  I can't imagine saying, "I really shouldn't have worked out."  It makes me feel better physically and emotionally.  It clears my head.  Pushing myself to the limit feels incredible.  I hope I can remember this after the challenge is over...when I don't have someone waiting for me at the gym and it's up to me to decide that it is always worth it to make time for working out.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

I sometimes (o.k. often) have to remind myself that my weight didn't come on in a week, or even a few months and it will likely take much longer than a week or a month to take it back off.  I had a lot of experiences that helped me grow emotionally over the last couple of years.  That emotional growth also led to physical growth as I ate my way through the emotional growth! 

Back in September I started exercising and changing my eating.  I decided I didn't want to weigh myself for a good long time.  I wanted the results to be astounding, jaw dropping.  I stepped on the scale one month later.  The results were astounding and jaw dropping all right!  I weighed exactly the same.  To the ounce.  I was more than devastated and I felt defeated.  I stopped exercising and stopped caring as much about what I was eating.   

After a couple of months I felt really down.  I was tired.  My clothes were getting tight.  I decided I had to face reality.  In mid-January I stepped on the scale again. I was the heaviest I have ever been (not pregnant).  I even weighed more than when I delivered two of my kids.  It was like I pulled my head out of the sand and I wanted the weight off immediately.  I started making changes again.  I started eating well and exercising again.  I decided that this needed to be a lifestyle change, not anything with a deadline.  I was just a few weeks into my new commitment to health when I got the phone call about the 100 day heart challenge.  Perfect timing.  This program is such a balanced approach to health and weight management.  Even though the challenge is only 100 days, I will learn the skills that can help me for a lifetime. I know I can't control the scale, but I can control how often and how hard I work out, how much and what foods I choose to put in my mouth, and my attitude.  The changes I'm making will be beneficial to my body, even if it takes a while for the scale to catch up with my progress. 

I know there will be set backs (like Friday night, for instance, when a complete stranger asked if I was pregnant) but I just need to realize that this is working.  I feel great.  It feels so good to work muscles that have been sleeping for a long time.  My mind feels more clear than it has in a long time.  Working out is my anti-depressant.  The foods I am eating are satisfying and delicious (and I'm learning how to work in my favorite junk foods in small quantities without binging).  So when the set backs come, I need to learn the lesson that the tortoise taught: Slow and steady wins the race.

The Bandwagon

I was wondering recently how I can make exercise and healthful eating a consistent and long term part of my life.  Not just for this week, not just for the next 100 days, but for the rest of my life.  I began to think of the things I do every single day.  The first thing that came to mind was brushing my teeth.  I brush my teeth every morning and every night.  I've done that for as long as I can remember.  I tried to imagine my life without brushing my teeth, and I couldn't.  It is a habit that I don't ever see myself getting out of. Then I started to think about the bandwagon mentality in regards to brushing my teeth.  If I skipped brushing my teeth (for whatever reason) would I wait until Monday to brush them again?  Absolutely not.  I probably wouldn't even wait until it was time for the next brushing.  I would go immediately and brush my teeth as soon as I made the realization that they were unbrushed. 

There is a crazy mind game that I go through in regards to falling off the bandwagon.  If I eat something I know I shouldn't (or eat too much of something I know I shouldn't), or if I don't exercise one day, that somehow gives me permission to keep eating what I shouldn't eat and pause the exercise until Monday, or whenever I get the motivation to start again.

The brushing teeth analogy has made me realize that while there will certainly be days that I don't feel like eating right or exercising, I don't have to stay off the bandwagon for a week, a day, or even an hour.  I can grab a handful of carrots, do a few squats or jumping jacks and get right back on. 

I will know I have succeeded when eating right and exercise are as much a part of my daily life as brushing my teeth...when I can't imagine my life without it.  When something is important to us, we do it.  Period. 

In other news, we met our trainer yesterday.  This is going to be AWESOME!!!  I can't wait to have him kick our trash twice a week. 

My Wellness Statement

A few years ago I met regularly with a group of ladies who discussed how to make healthy habits a reality.  One of the women there recommended that we each come up with a wellness statement (I don't even know if that's what it's called, but that's what I call it!).  She said that we should figure out where we want our health to be, visualize ourselves there, then come up with a statement that:

a) is in the present tense (as though you have already achieved your goals)

b) begins with the phrase "I am so happy and grateful now that..." (because gratitude and happiness are good for us and the more we feel happy and grateful the better able we are to reach our goals)

Here is my wellness statement:

"I am so happy and grateful now that I am strong, lean, and energetic and have learned to make choices that allow me to be my best self."


My statement is kind of long, but it encompassed all of my goals.  Others' statements were as short as "I am so happy and grateful now that I can run a 5k...or "now that my favorite jeans fit".


I have found myself re-visiting and repeating my statement as I have re-dedicated myself to a life of health.  It helps me realize that there is a strong, lean, energetic woman living inside of me and that doing the things that will bring her out is definitely worth it!

Pitfall #2: The Stash

Another pitfall of mine is stashing treats in a secret location.  I used to be really bad at this (or really good at it depending on how you look at it).  You know those package of mini candy bars (usually 8 per package, and they are only $1)?  I used to get a variety of candy bars and put them in my secret location (usually in a drawer in my bedroom because no one looks there...especially for food).  Then I would sneak a candy bar or two whenever I felt like it.  So...no more stashes.  If I feel the need to have something sweet, I can bring it out for the world to see.  After all, something sweet divided among my family of 7 is a lot less detrimental than that same amount of something sweet for just me. 

Special Occasions

Yesterday was Valentine's Day.  A special occasion.  I have been thinking about what constitutes a special occasion.  When there's not a holiday there are birthdays, church functions, baby showers, etc. (the list goes on), and then there are the made up special occasions...I lost 3 pounds, I made it through a very busy week, etc. and I deserve a treat.  Beginning this challenge has made me look at some of the pitfalls in my thinking.  Special occasions happens to be one of them.  So...from now on I will not look for special occasions to find a reason to sabatoge my progress.  Instead, I will look forward to the special occasion when I fit into the next size down, have energy to run around at the park with my kids or not be embarrassed or worried when I get a notification that somebody has tagged a photo of me on facebook...THAT list can go on and on too!  Here's to many special occasions in the future!

The Journey Begins

A few weeks ago my friend Ali sent me a link to apply for the 100 day heart challenge.  I filled out the form and clicked "send".  I didn't expect to hear back, but I DID!  I was so excited!

As part of the challenge, I had to have a doctor sign a release form.  It's been a while since I had my last physical, so I went to the Dr. the day before the challenge began.  Everything came back fine...including a positive pregnancy test (I already suspected I was pregnant, so I had taken an early detection test two days earlier that also came back positive).  I wondered if this would affect my ability to participate, but the Dr. said all pregnant women should be eating right and exercising, so he was all for it.

Friday morning, in the spirit of full disclosure, I informed Janet of the positive pregnancy test.  She said the same thing my Dr. did, so I just thought I would do my best, but not have a goal of dropping a lot of weight.  I told a couple of other people, and I'm sure a few others overheard.  I normally don't share news this early (especially with my history of miscarriages), but because the news came the day before the challenge started, I was just trying to figure out how to do this challenge well and grow a baby at the same time.

As it turns out, Saturday morning brought cramping and bleeding and I spent the weekend miscarrying.  I only knew I was pregnant for three days, and I am grateful to have this challenge to focus on. So...hopefully my belly (and other things) will be shrinking instead of growing.  I am more determined than ever to give it my all!  I worked out this morning.  It may have been too much too soon, but I figured since it was a very early miscarriage, it wouldn't hurt.  I did just fine and am excited to keep on going.

Just a couple of highlights from the weigh-in Friday morning:

I do not like to watch myself on video or hear myself speak on camera, but since I had signed a form that said I would be willing to be video taped, I knew I couldn't avoid the camera man.  He interviewed me and Darin not long after we arrived (at 7 am).  He was asking why we wanted to participate in this challenge.  Darin gave a perfectly good response, then the camera man turned to me.  I said something about healthy habits in our home, mentioned that we had 5 kids, then I started to say, "...and I thought it would be really fun to do it together"...and then I realized that I had just said that we had 5 kids and saying "fun to do it together" might make people chuckle so I tried to recover (not so gracefully) and said, "I thought it would be really fun to do it...to do the challenge together". Awesome.

As we sat down to eat breakfast, another participant said, "Spotting the trainers in the room is like playing the Sesame Street game 'One of these things is not like the others'."  She apologized profusely, thinking that we were offended.  We were too busy laughing to be offended.  Can I just say that meeting the other participants made me even more excited to participate.  They are all great, and I can't wait to get to know them better and go on this journey of wellness with them.

I am also very grateful to have so many talented and fun people heading this thing up.  I can't wait to learn all that they have to teach!